February - March 2020
I immediate called my best friend to announce the appearance of the "double lines"; My first pregnancy test! I was filled with excitement and hope for the future.
A week later I made an appointment with my family doctor. The doctor gave me a pregnancy test to confirm my home test.
"Congratulations! You are indeed pregnant", the doctor proclaimed.
He provided me with several pamphlets, assigned me to an obstetrician, and gave me the general run down of what foods to avoid. I can remember so clearly when the doctor had also informed me that 1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage in the first trimester.
"What!? So, 20% of pregnancies fail in the first trimester"? I asked surprisingly.
I immediately tried to hide my excitement from the doctor, thinking how that dampened my exciting moment. Several other appointments were made in the weeks to follow.
At 6 weeks gestation, I was sitting on my couch binge watching Netflix. I felt something tickle my inner thigh. Some sort of pregnancy discharge, I thought. Gross. I fled to the bathroom and realized I was bleeding excessively. And I mean, excessively!
My husband drove me to the emergency room, where they examined me immediately. We waited and waited. I hadn't told anyone in the family about my pregnancy yet. While waiting for the results, I had decided my mom needed to know what I was going through. I shared everything with her after all. Like any other mother would be, she was surprised but worried for her daughter. Told me to keep strong and that it was better this happened earlier than later in the pregnancy.
The doctor finally called me in for the results. He told me I needed to come back next week for an ultrasound, as they couldn't confirm what had happened. I was frustrated.
"Am I having a miscarriage"? I impatiently asked.
He said he couldn't confirm for sure without an ultrasound, but he was 95% sure it was a miscarriage due to the amount of blood.
The entire weekend, I was sad and discouraged. My husband kept telling me to wait for the ultrasound before giving up. I kept running the doctor's words in my head like a broken record; "95% sure"! My husband kept hope, I kept feeling discouraged.
The ultrasound appointment finally came - which felt like a year later! As they called my name, they asked me to lay on a hospital bed in a dark room with a curtain for a door, and wait for the doctor to examine me. I was expecting for them to confirm what I had already accepted. The doctor finally walked in, smearing the cold gel on my belly and proceeded to examine me. He moved the mechanism up and down my stomach listening for the heart beat, not saying a word. The suspense was killing me.
"So"? I asked. "Is there still a baby"?, holding on to the little hope I had left.
"Here's the heart beat", the doctor confirmed. "What"? I asked surprisingly.
"Your pregnancy is still vital", the doctor confirmed again.
"Really"? I repeated. "Yep, there is no reason why you shouldn't carry this baby to
term." That was the happiest news I had ever heard.
The examination ended. I wiped the gel off my belly, got my coat and left the hospital in a much better mood. I couldn't wait to tell my husband, who, due to covid, was waiting for me in the outdoor parking lot. I knew he'd give me the 'I told you so' speech, and I didn't mind one bit. As I hit the elevator button, the doors closed out in front of me. A tear came running down my cheek, and the corners of my mouth curled up. I was so happy! That was the day I realized I was officially in love with this baby, and thus our relationship began.
Milo waving at me during our 16 week ultrasound.
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