I've been having a hard time adjusting lately.
Adjusting to the pain and emptiness of not having Milo in my life.
Adjusting to how the world keeps turning, while I count the days that go by without my baby.
Adjusting to some people's reaction to my grieving process - like they even get a say, please!
Adjusting to this "new normal" - I hate that term, there's nothing "normal" about losing your baby!
Adjusting to the change I feel within myself - I used to believe in not taking life for granted, now I believe that life has taken me for granted.
When I look at pictures of myself before I got pregnant, I don't recognize who I'm looking at.
When people said this loss would change me, I thought 'but only temporarily, right?' Instead, change sneaked up on me when I wasn't looking and decided to stay.
I no longer want to celebrate the things that were once so important to me. I no longer want to see people I thought I'd never lose touch with. I no longer care about the little things that bare no meaning to me.
The thing about losing a baby is that you're not just losing a life, or the dreams you had for them, or a blissful future, you're literally losing a part of your physical self.
My baby was physically a part of me, and that part has now died. A part of me has now died.
I have to get to know myself all over again, so everyone in my life has to also adjust to getting to know me too.
Conversations are no longer the same. Friendships have changed forever. I am adjusting. And I am having a hard time adjusting lately.
Comentarios